You’re a week into your summer holidays already & the sun is shining:)
The last few days I’ve been thinking about this, Mum & I have both had experience of this recently & I thought the earlier you get this message the better. Some people in your life will be hard work. We all know people who we find it hard to be around, it might be that they’re complainers, gossipers, bitchy, jealous or someone who loves a drama. Some people are never happy, there will always be something to moan about or be jealous of. Some people will think that because you’re their friend it’s OK to unload all that negativity on you because it’s your job to listen. Everyone has a bad day or even bad weeks or months & of course part of being a good friend is to listen when your friend wants to talk but some people seem to be in a constant state of drama.
You’ll get to know the difference because with your real friends, there’ll be ups & downs in your lives but you’ll feel good about the relationship. You’ll want to hang out with them, there’ll be two way conversations, you’ll be happy for each other when something great happens, be sad together in not so great times & be great friends on even the most ordinary of days.
Some people will leave you feeling drained. Most of your conversations will one sided, you’ll feel as if you been ‘talked at’ & as long as they are talking they’ll be happy to have you listen. It’s not that some people are necessarily horrible people but they’ve got themselves into a constant state of negativity & they’ll drag you down with them if you let them.
Mum & I both said we wish we’d realised this about some people earlier before we got sucked in. You’ll know the difference because you’ll dread them calling or emailing & you’ll feel exhausted after seeing them.
Now the trick, we’ve discovered, is to back off very slowly & gently as if you’re edging away from a cobra in the corner of your bathroom. (Poirot in Death on the Nile….I’ll record it next time it’s on tv, it’s one of my absolute favourites) There’s no need to be mean but there’s also no need to keep putting yourself through it. Facebook has a great way of doing this, you can unfollow people without unfriending them so no one gets their feelings hurt. That’s easily done on facebook but in real life you have to be a little stronger. You don’t have to be available whenever some people ‘need’ to see you, you have your own life with your own things to do. It’s OK to say “sorry, I’m not free today”. Remember that ‘no’ is enough. Don’t feel the need to give a reason or explain why you’re busy. You can be perfectly polite & friendly & still be careful with your energy. Rather than let some people stuck the energy out of you, use that energy for what makes you happy. You know what the flight attendants say, put your own oxygen mask on before you help anyone else….
My wish for you is that you have amazing real friends that you love & want to spend time with & you know how to handle some people in a way that leaves you free from drama.
Love you, Teeto xx