Happy · Sad · Time

My darling Gran…for Tiny…love Teeto x

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My darling Gran…

Today I’m really thinking about my Gran.  I think about her all the time, especially Friday evenings because we would always chat on the phone, but today is 10 years since she died.  I’ve got tears in my eyes just thinking about how much I miss her.  She was an amazing woman, always fabulously jewelled, always ready to chat & listen to anything I wanted to tell her & usually with a little drink & cigarette in her hand.  She had the softest hands & the ability to make every single one of her grand children feel like they were her favourite (without the others knowing of course).  She taught me to croquet, we always called each other ‘darling’ instead of our real names, she made THE MOST AMAZING meringues with the perfect balance of goo & crunch, her pastry was to die for & her wrists always jingled with bangles I gave her when I was a teenager (which she never took off).

I remember that day so clearly, I remember crying until there were no tears left & then crying some more.  I knew I would see her again but the shock of her not being here was just the worst feeling.  Then Uncle Neil said the most lovely thing to me.  As I was telling him through my sobs how I felt like I’d cry forever he told me that it was OK.  I didn’t need to ‘get over it’  I could keep a piece of me that would always be sad.  In time the rest of me got back to normal life but that piece of me is still on the edge of tears even 10 years later & that’s OK.  I still can’t listen to ‘hey Jude’ on the radio without crying (it even came on the radio once in Carrefour in Alicante when we were doing our food shopping on holiday & I cried right there with my trolley in the middle of the aisle).

Alongside the sadness though I have the most fabulous memories of my darling Gran.  I have one of her glasses that I drink wine out of on Friday evenings, I wear her diamond ring next to my wedding rings (the ring my Grandad gave her when your Grandad was born), I smile every time I walk past her photo on the fireplace & in my mind I have all the fabulous chats we had & stories she told me.  I sit in her chair in my front room when I read, I keep my rings in one of her jewellery boxes & I wear her thimble when I sew.  She will always be with me.

I feel sad that you never met her but there’s so much of her in your Grandad, you almost know her through him.   She lives on in all of us in some way.

So tonight Uncle Neil & I will raise our glasses to ‘Darling’

Love you, Teeto xxx

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